Forgetting

Often parents say that once their child was born, they no longer remembered what life was like without them.  I couldn't agree more.

I can't believe that Wade and I used to go to the city without car seats, strollers, and diaper bags.  It amazes me that I used to be able to do my hair and make-up for hours if I wanted to, and pick clothing based on how it looked instead of how easy it would be to feed a baby.  We used to be able to stay up late, and go wherever we wanted, and just be relaxed having fun.  I can't believe it.

Those are all the things I wish could have stayed the same, but of course there are things that are way better now then they ever were before.  I can't believe that before I had Jude, if I was crying, no one would come up to me and ask if my heart hurt and then give me a kiss.  It's also hard to remember exactly how quiet our little basement suite was in Saskatoon.  Many people miss the quiet of a pre-child home, but I don't.  It was terribly lonely.

When I think about things I sacrificed, it's sometimes depressing.  It's hard to see other girls look so put together and pretty when I feel much less than that, and I know they had so much more time (and money) to make themselves that way.  I'm jealous that they can leave their house without anyone crying.  But when I get home from a little (much needed) alone time down town, I get to walk into a house greeted by my little man who asks how my day was (even if I was only gone for ten minutes), and a big smile from my baby.  I can't remember what life was like before I felt so loved by two wonderful tiny boys.  It maked the bad hair days so worth it.