Wow! It is hard finding time to keep up with this!  Thank you to whoever is still reading!

Since my last post, Wade and I celebrated our third anniversary.  Three years isn't that long, but a lot has happened during them.  They have definitely been three very important years.

To celebrate, Wade and I went out for supper at a restaurant in town.   It was nice.  Jude and Murphy stayed with their grandma and grandpa and when we picked them up afterwards, Jude surprised us with a giant heart-shaped cookie that he helped decorate, and a card that he coloured.  I loved them!

It's so fun to see proof that your babies love you.   Jude was never really a "momma's boy", and the only times I could tell that I was really important to him were when he would bonk his head and need a kiss.  He never liked to cuddle, or give kisses, or anything.  He has always been too busy.  Murphy, on the other hand is a snuggler AND a "momma's boy".   If he sees me and I'm not holding him, he will cry.  I sometimes love that, but other times, I just wish he could go to someone else for a while so I could get a break.

It's easy to tell that Murphy thinks I'm special, and sometimes I take it for granted, but with Jude, I cherish every single thing he does to say he loves me.  

Whenever Wade tucks Jude into bed, I hear a little "Mommy, hug?" and when I walk into his room, his arms are spread wide open and he gives me the best hug ever.  I also taught Jude to say "pretty" whenever I ask him how I look.  Every once in a while he'll say "mommy pretty"  without me asking for it.  And one day, when I was stressed out about who knows what, Jude just said, "Thanks, Mommy".  I asked him, "For what?"  and he replied, "Juice...cars...George." because I had got him juice and cars, and put Curious George on for him.  It surprised me to find out that he noticed that I did those things not because I had to, but because I loved him.  I brought tears to my eyes.

I was also amazed with the love Jude could show when before Murphy was born, I gave him a doll to play with to help him understand that we were going to have another little baby soon.  He pushed that doll around in a little stroller, and kissed it, and set up a bed of blankies so that the baby could have a nap.  The kindness and love he showed that baby continued to his little brother when he was born.  Jude has been so sweet with him.  He covers him up with a blanky, gets him toys, pushes him in his swing, and teaches him about trucks.  I think he shows kindness and love because that is what has been shown to him, and he appreciates it and notices it.

It's frustrating sometimes to be a parent when your child doesn't want to cuddle you and kiss you and just wants to be their own person.  Sometimes they are just too busy (as Jude tells me he is when he doesn't have time to eat his supper).  But, if you can stop being busy for just a few minutes and think about the things your child does on a daily basis, somewhere in their actions, I'm sure there is a "Thanks, Mommy." in there.  You have done so many things that you didn't have to do, but you did it anyways out of love, and they notice.

On a side-note, Jude learned how to say "Love you" the day after Valentines Day.  Now every once in a while, I get it in words <3

Forgetting

Often parents say that once their child was born, they no longer remembered what life was like without them.  I couldn't agree more.

I can't believe that Wade and I used to go to the city without car seats, strollers, and diaper bags.  It amazes me that I used to be able to do my hair and make-up for hours if I wanted to, and pick clothing based on how it looked instead of how easy it would be to feed a baby.  We used to be able to stay up late, and go wherever we wanted, and just be relaxed having fun.  I can't believe it.

Those are all the things I wish could have stayed the same, but of course there are things that are way better now then they ever were before.  I can't believe that before I had Jude, if I was crying, no one would come up to me and ask if my heart hurt and then give me a kiss.  It's also hard to remember exactly how quiet our little basement suite was in Saskatoon.  Many people miss the quiet of a pre-child home, but I don't.  It was terribly lonely.

When I think about things I sacrificed, it's sometimes depressing.  It's hard to see other girls look so put together and pretty when I feel much less than that, and I know they had so much more time (and money) to make themselves that way.  I'm jealous that they can leave their house without anyone crying.  But when I get home from a little (much needed) alone time down town, I get to walk into a house greeted by my little man who asks how my day was (even if I was only gone for ten minutes), and a big smile from my baby.  I can't remember what life was like before I felt so loved by two wonderful tiny boys.  It maked the bad hair days so worth it.

Happy With What I've Got. Too Young to Quit

Hey everyone!  Sorry I haven't updated in a while.  I think I'll try to make sure I'm posting at least once a week!

After having Murphy, I told Wade that maybe we could stick with just the two boys and be done having kids.  I like having two little guys.  I figure that in 18 years, Murphy will be graduating from high school and I will be 38, and wade will be 39.  Then we could be alone together for pretty much the first time in our marriage.  Obviously Jude wasn't born yet when we got married, but we knew he was coming!

That sounded like a good idea to me.  To be young and an "empty-nester".  That is, until I said "empty-nester" out loud.

Thinking of my boys starting kindergarten has given be bad dreams.  I never want that day to come.  I will miss them so much when they are off at school!  I don't even want to think about when graduation comes along, and they move away from home (which happens all too quickly I am warned).  And when I am not quite 40, most of my friends will probably still be picking their children up from school every afternoon, and having supper as a family.  When I think about it, I never want to give that up.

Of course, I will have to release my children into the real world at some point, but I definitely don't want a childless home in my thirties.

Someone told me that when you have a family, and you don't know if you want more kids or not, you will just notice that something is missing.  When I think of it that way, I know for a fact that I want more kids.

I know I'll have to stop eventually, and one day have an empty house, but hopefully by then I'll be ready.  Maybe I'm just thinking too much and looking too far into the future instead of enjoying what I'm not wanting to change, but as a young parent it really is something to think about, I think.  Even if we have an average number of kids, our home will be empty when we're the same age as parents of young children.  

That's just something that has got me thinking lately and if it's all going to happen so fast, I'd better think about it! :)