Holidays

As a child, I remember being so excited for holidays.  I couldn't wait until the morning when I would finally see what Christmas presents I got, or what was in my Easter basket.  I would be so excited to go trick-or-treating on Halloween, and I would count down the sleeps until my birthday.  I find myself still looking forward to all these days, but for whole new reasons.  My boys.

I remember this past Christmas, I would all of a sudden picture in my mind my little boys in their matching reindeer jammies (that I knew they were getting from their grandma and grandpa), matching reindeer blankies, in their carseats watching movies on their new dvd player for the Jeep.  I would get so excited and would want them to open the presents that second!  It was the same feeling I would get as a child where I wanted to open my presents as soon as I saw them under the tree (a few weeks early).  This year, I kept forgetting that there were gifts for me under the tree.  It just didn't matter to me any more.

Wade and I went shopping for Easter baskets for the boys this week.  We had so much fun picking out toys, candies, and baby cookies.  We even bought a bone and bandanas to put in a basket for our dog, Lenny.  We filled up the shopping basket, bought everything and left the store.  I couldn't believe that my own cravings for chocolate didn't even cross my mind!  It just made me so happy to think about how my little guy's faces would light up when they saw their baskets.  I thought about how much fun Jude will have when he's hunting for Easter eggs all over the house.  Their happiness is far more important to me than my own now.  I thought it would be a gradual change from selfishness to selflessness, but it wasn't.

When I was little, after the excitement of opening my presents wore off (a little bit), I would think to myself that it must be so sad for my mom and dad to not have many things to open.  I thought that they were missing out.  They never got Easter baskets, and they never got candy for Halloween.  When I thought about growing up in that light, I didn't want it to happen.  But what I've found seems to be a wonderful surprise.  Seeing your own kids excited and happy gives you those feelings of being a child all over again.  It's great.

I've spoken to people my own age who haven't had kids (which is a good portion of them).  Some have told me that they are still too selfish to have kids.  They say they aren't done being all about themselves.  In a way, I understand.  There are days where I wish I could just be me and do what I want and go out and have fun, but after having kids, my idea of fun has completely changed.

I used to think driving around all day, going to the mall, or staying up late to watch movies was fun.  Now I think taking my kids to the park, or colouring pictures with Jude, or making faces with Murphy is fun.  I don't really feel like I'm missing out on other fun I could have.  My definition of fun and happiness is very different now.

As Children, we are all self-absorbed by nature.  We do things that will make us happy in the moment, and we are more excited to receive than we are to give.  Before we have children, we may think it would be hard to give up that mindset and change ourselves into giving, selfless parents, but in reality, it isn't a choice or even an effort.  When you have kids, their happiness is your own.  I get so much satisfaction in making happy memories and special moments with my kids.  Happy Easter!