I don't know if it's just me or not, but I really do like when people give me a break from holding my kids. I think it's so funny thinking back to when I never had kids and I was always so shy to ask to hold other people's babies. If they said I couldn't, I felt so embarrassed that I ever asked. In reality, the baby probably needed to eat right away or something.
I was in church a few weeks ago, and a few girls I went to high school with were there. After the service they asked if they could hold Murphy. I willingly passed him off and dealt with all the stuff we brought and needed to clean up. They kept asking me if I wanted him back yet.
I realised something. When you don't have babies but love to hold them, you feel like everyone must feel like that. Especially the mother. You think that if you think the baby is so cute and fun to cuddle, that if the mother loves the baby even more, she would want to do it all the time. In reality, that's not completely true.
On the other hand as the tired mother trying to multi-task all the time with a baby in one arm, and having the other arm to do all the things I need to do, I generally assume that when people are holding my baby it is to help me out, and that they are doing a favour. I feel guilty making them hold him for too long, so I am always asking if they want to give him back so they can do whatever they were planning on with the ease of using baby-less arms. When I offer to take him back, they more than likely assume that I miss cuddling him. It just goes back and forth.
As I was eating lunch after church, I just wished I had a big sign to hold up that said "Hold My Baby!" because I was trying to eat, and he is in the reaching for everything stage. I was sure that there were nice little church ladies who would love to cuddle a baby, I just never wanted to ask it of anyone. People have offered before and I just asked "Are you sure?" because I know it's difficult to multi-task.
I think I just need to realise that if I think people shouldn't assume that I want to hold my baby every second of every day (by the way, only people who have never had kids think that way), I shouldn't go assuming that people don't want to eat with a baby on their lap. Some people might consider that the highlight of their day!
So if you ever offer to hold someone's baby and get turned down, you probably shouldn't take it personally. I'm sure most of the time, the mother of that baby would love to just relax for a couple minutes. And If you're a mom, relax. People will tell you when they need to leave or when their arms are falling asleep. Enjoy knowing that a lot of people enjoy holding babies. It's also nice to see how cute your own baby is from far away sometimes :)
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Locked Out
I just thought I'd share a funny story with all of you. A couple of days ago, I was barbecuing out on our deck. Now, our deck has no stairs off of it. It is just a nice little square hanging off the back of our house. It is pretty high too, so jumping the railing is too high for me. I went out to get the steaks in my sweats, tank top, and socks. I closed the slider door so that Jude wouldn't come out in the cold with no shoes on. Just as I was about to come back inside, he locked the door on me.
Wade had set up his xbox at the computer desk, and used headphones so that Jude, Murphy, and I could watch something on the tv. Murphy was sleeping in his swing, and Jude was playing at the sliding door watching me freeze on the deck.
I was trying to yell through the door to explain to Jude how to undo the lock, and when he would jiggle it, I would pull on the door. Then he would pull on the door and laugh. He thought it was the biggest joke ever. I was laughing too, because I felt to stupid for getting into this mess.
We have floor length curtains over our sliding door and window to the deck. I asked Jude to go get his daddy, but all he would do was run around the curtain and laugh. Then I would laugh and he would keep doing it. I felt like my life was in my little 2 year old's hands. I was knocking on the door as loud as I could, and I couldn't even tell if Wade was coming because of the curtains. Then I would ask Jude to fix the lock and we'd start the process all over again.
Soon, Jude started running around the curtain again, and collided with the door frame. Usually I would think that was a bad thing, but this time, I saw it as an opportunity. I told Jude that I couldn't kiss it better and he had to go find his daddy. He ran to the living room in tears. I banged my fists on the door.
After about 30 seconds, I saw Wade through the little opening in the curtain. He saw me and came to the door. He opened it and said as if he was mad at me, "Did you even know Jude fell down the stairs!" I told him that Jude had me locked outside. "He didn't fall down the stairs!" I said, "He hit his head on the door, and I was happy because I could finally get him to go get you! He's been laughing at me out here for quite some time, and I've been hitting the door trying to get your attention over top of your headphones!" Wade smiled. I said, "No way can you be mad at me for being locked on the deck!"
I brought in the steaks, Jude stopped crying, and we all ate supper. I will never again go out there without my phone.
Wade had set up his xbox at the computer desk, and used headphones so that Jude, Murphy, and I could watch something on the tv. Murphy was sleeping in his swing, and Jude was playing at the sliding door watching me freeze on the deck.
I was trying to yell through the door to explain to Jude how to undo the lock, and when he would jiggle it, I would pull on the door. Then he would pull on the door and laugh. He thought it was the biggest joke ever. I was laughing too, because I felt to stupid for getting into this mess.
We have floor length curtains over our sliding door and window to the deck. I asked Jude to go get his daddy, but all he would do was run around the curtain and laugh. Then I would laugh and he would keep doing it. I felt like my life was in my little 2 year old's hands. I was knocking on the door as loud as I could, and I couldn't even tell if Wade was coming because of the curtains. Then I would ask Jude to fix the lock and we'd start the process all over again.
Soon, Jude started running around the curtain again, and collided with the door frame. Usually I would think that was a bad thing, but this time, I saw it as an opportunity. I told Jude that I couldn't kiss it better and he had to go find his daddy. He ran to the living room in tears. I banged my fists on the door.
After about 30 seconds, I saw Wade through the little opening in the curtain. He saw me and came to the door. He opened it and said as if he was mad at me, "Did you even know Jude fell down the stairs!" I told him that Jude had me locked outside. "He didn't fall down the stairs!" I said, "He hit his head on the door, and I was happy because I could finally get him to go get you! He's been laughing at me out here for quite some time, and I've been hitting the door trying to get your attention over top of your headphones!" Wade smiled. I said, "No way can you be mad at me for being locked on the deck!"
I brought in the steaks, Jude stopped crying, and we all ate supper. I will never again go out there without my phone.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Judgements
People are judgemental. It's the way we all are, even if we wish we aren't. It's sad. In school we feel judged by everyone, and it doesn't really change as we go on in life. Every one of us has been judged in our lives.
I took my boys to story time at the library this week. Many kids preschool age are brought by their mothers or babysitters. The moms sit around and visit, and the kids look at books, play with each other, and do crafts. We showed up late, and I got my boys out of their coats, and sat on the floor in my own little area while Jude got the courage to make friends.
I listened to people around me. Some moms were talking about how much their homes were worth, and what kind of house they were planning on buying, and other moms were reading to their children who could read along with some words already. Meanwhile, Jude was walking around making up gibberish while adding a few real words in every once in a while to make it sound like a sentence. He was playing nice with the other kids, and sharing books. Murphy sat between my legs on the floor and looked at books with me.
I couldn't help but think that I was less of a mom than everyone else because I was young. I'm not a home owner, Jude can't name every single animal that he sees, Murphy can't sit up on his own yet, Jude isn't potty trained, and the list could go on and on.
It seemed as though I was being judged, and they didn't even know anything about me. But I was being judged, only by myself.
I am way too hard on myself when I'm in public with my kids. If Jude throws a fit, I feel that it is a direct reflection of my parenting. If Murphy doesn't smile at someone, I think that people will make the judgement that he doesn't have a happy home. It's ridiculous, because once I'm home, I don't think those things at all. When I'm not surrounded by strangers, I know that Jude throws a fit because he is two and that's what two-year-olds do. When Murphy doesn't smile at someone, it's because he's simply grumpy, or making strange. It's normal, and all kids are like that.
I can never really know what people are truly thinking about me, or if they're even thinking anything at all, but what my mind comes up with is way worse, I'm sure. Like I've said before, since I'm so young, I feel like I have to appear that I have absolutely everything together. I'm going to be 21 this month, and when I go out, I want to look as good as the other 21-year-olds, but I also want my kids to look as put together as the kids with 40-year-old parents. It's hard. If anything is off like my hair beig a mess, or Jude's face being a mess, I feel so insecure. However even if everything is perfect, I feel insecure, because I feel that people will think that I put my kids last so that I can do my hair. It's just silly, and I should just let it go. That's easier said that done.
I do find that mothers judge each other a lot. Well, women in general judge each other too much, but parenting is just an extra thing on top of it all that we can pick someone apart over. It's such an important part of our lives, and it effects our kids. How could we raise or kids the best way we can, and not expect others to do the same thing we're doing? We do everything that we do to make our children feel loved, safe, and happy. I think that if our children feel all of those things from us, all the little details don't really matter. Obviously people will do things you don't agree with, or you might look down on them for something, but if you step back and realise that they (like you) haven't been given a parenting manual, and they're just learning one day at a time, maybe you'll be more empathetic. Likewise, if you step back and realise that YOU haven't been given a manual, and YOU'RE just learning, maybe you can cut yourself more slack. Chances are that you are judging yourself more than others are.
I took my boys to story time at the library this week. Many kids preschool age are brought by their mothers or babysitters. The moms sit around and visit, and the kids look at books, play with each other, and do crafts. We showed up late, and I got my boys out of their coats, and sat on the floor in my own little area while Jude got the courage to make friends.
I listened to people around me. Some moms were talking about how much their homes were worth, and what kind of house they were planning on buying, and other moms were reading to their children who could read along with some words already. Meanwhile, Jude was walking around making up gibberish while adding a few real words in every once in a while to make it sound like a sentence. He was playing nice with the other kids, and sharing books. Murphy sat between my legs on the floor and looked at books with me.
I couldn't help but think that I was less of a mom than everyone else because I was young. I'm not a home owner, Jude can't name every single animal that he sees, Murphy can't sit up on his own yet, Jude isn't potty trained, and the list could go on and on.
It seemed as though I was being judged, and they didn't even know anything about me. But I was being judged, only by myself.
I am way too hard on myself when I'm in public with my kids. If Jude throws a fit, I feel that it is a direct reflection of my parenting. If Murphy doesn't smile at someone, I think that people will make the judgement that he doesn't have a happy home. It's ridiculous, because once I'm home, I don't think those things at all. When I'm not surrounded by strangers, I know that Jude throws a fit because he is two and that's what two-year-olds do. When Murphy doesn't smile at someone, it's because he's simply grumpy, or making strange. It's normal, and all kids are like that.
I can never really know what people are truly thinking about me, or if they're even thinking anything at all, but what my mind comes up with is way worse, I'm sure. Like I've said before, since I'm so young, I feel like I have to appear that I have absolutely everything together. I'm going to be 21 this month, and when I go out, I want to look as good as the other 21-year-olds, but I also want my kids to look as put together as the kids with 40-year-old parents. It's hard. If anything is off like my hair beig a mess, or Jude's face being a mess, I feel so insecure. However even if everything is perfect, I feel insecure, because I feel that people will think that I put my kids last so that I can do my hair. It's just silly, and I should just let it go. That's easier said that done.
I do find that mothers judge each other a lot. Well, women in general judge each other too much, but parenting is just an extra thing on top of it all that we can pick someone apart over. It's such an important part of our lives, and it effects our kids. How could we raise or kids the best way we can, and not expect others to do the same thing we're doing? We do everything that we do to make our children feel loved, safe, and happy. I think that if our children feel all of those things from us, all the little details don't really matter. Obviously people will do things you don't agree with, or you might look down on them for something, but if you step back and realise that they (like you) haven't been given a parenting manual, and they're just learning one day at a time, maybe you'll be more empathetic. Likewise, if you step back and realise that YOU haven't been given a manual, and YOU'RE just learning, maybe you can cut yourself more slack. Chances are that you are judging yourself more than others are.
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